BackTrek Page 3

“I think this is the last box, Trace.” Jack said as he propped the box against the wall beside the front door. He carefully balanced it as he attempted to open the door.

  “If I run across anything else, I’ll put it aside for you, Jack.” She said, her gaze averted down to keep from looking at him eye to eye. The golden strands of her hair framed her face.

  “I guess this is it, isn’t it?”

  “No, Jack. Like I told you the other night. It’s been over for years.” She looked towards him, but not at him. Her gaze lingered on the floor between their feet.

  “Trace, I-” He began.

  “Don’t, Jack! Just don’t! We discussed everything there was to say the other night, and you know how I feel. I will always love you, Jack, but my love is not enough.” She said as the tears began to well up in her eyes.

  “You know I love you, Trace, you know I-” Fire grew in her pale blues eyes, as the tears began to flow, and she looked him dead in his eyes. As much as he had wanted her to look at him, he wished now that she would turn her fierce gaze away.

  “Damn it, Jack! Can’t you see! Can’t you get it through your damn thick head! You don’t know how to love anymore. Not me...not the kids...not anything. Not even your job, no matter how hard you throw yourself into it. You’re not the same anymore, Jack. You’re not the same man that I married. The man I fell in love with. The man that loved me. That man died when you quit the Army!”

  “You know damn well that I didn’t quit the Army, Trace! I was forced out!” He fired back angrily. She dropped her gaze again, and tried to calm herself so that she could reason with him.

  “You have to let the past go, and learn to live again, Jack. To love again.” She said as she tried to control her emotions. Slowly she brought her hand to her cheek and wiped away the tears.

  “The past is what I am, Tracey. It has made me what I am.” Jack explained.

  “You see! You see what I mean! You’ve got to let it go. It doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t make you less of a man...or less of a father.” She said, as the tears began to flow down her cheeks again.

  “Trace, I don’t want to go.” Jack said as a tear rolled down his cheek. Tracey walked over to the door and opened it for him.

  “Go, Jack. Just go.” As she looked down at her feet, her body shook as she sobbed. Jack’s brother, Mike , was outside at the car. He looked up from tying the trunk lid down over piles of other boxes, and waved as he saw Tracey at the door.

  “Trace-” Jack began.

  “Goodbye, Jack.” She turned and walked back into the house, and left him to stand there alone with the door open. He took a moment to gather himself, and heard the bedroom door upstairs slam shut. It was time to leave. Even after ten years of marriage, it was finally over. He stepped outside, inserted his key and locked the deadbolt, and heard the shrill beep of the alarm pad as it automatically armed itself.

  “System, active.” A female voice said from inside. “Perimeter, armed.”

  As he bent down and scooped up the box, he couldn’t help but wonder if there would ever be a chance for him to make things right with the only woman that he had ever loved. As he turned towards the driveway, his eyes scanned over the flower garden that he and Tracey had worked so hard on last spring. The tears flowed harder. He knew she was right. He guessed that she had always been right. When he was forced to quit the Army, a part of him had died. The part of him that had always allowed him to open up to others, to trust, and even to love.

  As an M.P. he had felt as though he were on top of the world. He thought that he was capable of solving any crime. That he would always find the required answers, and that he could stop any injustice. But when that injustice had been against him, he had been completely powerless. From the day that he had first joined the Army, he had wanted to be an M.P., and had stressed that to his superiors. They guided him through the proper training, and he had enjoyed every minute of it. He could never forget the look on Tracey’s face when he told her that he was finally going to graduate as an M.P., and it was that same day that he asked her to marry him. Life had been so good then.

  When Tracey had first told him that she was pregnant with Bella, Jack had already been on cloud nine. That day he had collared his first real criminal. As the years went on, and Brandon was born, everything seemed to come together. His marriage blossomed. He excelled at his job and moved up into the Criminal Investigation Division. And he loved being a father. But then things suddenly fell apart. He had been working a case that involved a suspicious death, and felt sure that foul play was involved. From his viewpoint, an apparent homicide had occurred on base right under his own nose. Normally a homicide on a government installation would fall under federal jurisdiction, but usually the FBI would leave it to the CID. He had little evidence, and virtually no leads, but he felt sure that he could crack the case, when suddenly charges were brought against him by a supposed friend for illegal drug use. Though he had never taken any drug more potent than aspirin in his life, they searched his quarters without hesitation, and much to his and Tracey’s surprise, they found a stash of cocaine. A half a kilo, no less. He was quickly given a choice, face a court martial or resign. A court martial could have led to years in prison. He had no option, but to resign. To go. And again, ten years later, here he was, he thought. Going again.

  He walked to the rear of his car, and set the box down inside the back seat. He shoved at the boxes and slammed the door. Mike sat in the passenger seat quietly. Their relationship had always been a close one, and each had always been there for the other. When Mike’s wife had left him last year, Jack had been there to console him and to be his friend, but usually it was Mike who had all the answers. Two years older, but often decades wiser was how Jack regarded his brother.

  Jack took one last lingering look at the house that he had called home for the last few years, and then quietly opened the car door and got in. As he stuck the key in the ignition, and listened to the motor come to life, he looked up to their bedroom window. He hoped to see his wife, but watched the drawn drapes stand motionless instead. A minute or two passed before he finally accepted the reality, and dropped the car into reverse. He backed down the driveway. It was time to go. After the second stop sign had passed in dead silence, Mike finally began to speak.

  “You okay?” Jack thought about the question for a moment before he responded.

  “No. I don’t think I will be until we get this straightened out, Mike. You know how much I love her.”

  “I know buddy, but for now this is best. Like I told you the other day, she thinks that this is the only answer, and either she is right or as time passes she’ll realize that she’s not. Either way, I see a day in the future where life will be good, and everybody will be happy. All you have to do between now and then is survive.”

  “It sounds easy enough, but it sure hurts now.” Jack said.

  “Time heals all wounds, Jack. You should know that by now.”

  “Time heals most wounds, Mike. That’s what this is all about. Something that happened a long time ago.”

  “If you could let it go, it would heal. That’s all she wants.”

  “I know, but since that happened, with Ted turning against me, and being forced out...Mike you’re the only person I can trust.”

  “I appreciate the vote of confidence, brother, but she’s your wife.”

  “I didn’t say it made any sense, I’m just telling you how I feel.”

  “Well maybe a few days, or even a week or two will changes things. In the meantime, we’ll get your apartment set up, and I’ll teach enough about cooking so that you can survive.”

  “Trace already tried. A cook, I am not.” Jack answered.

  “What? You burn water?” Mike asked.

  “No. I don’t burn it, but I can make it taste bad.” He said, as a grin came to his lips. Mike’s eyes brightened when he saw the smile creep acr
oss his brother’s face. Jack would be okay, he thought. Not happy, for a while a least, but he was strong and he would make it.

  It was a relatively short drive to the neighborhood that his precinct was located in, and Jack turned into an apartment building only three blocks from the station. This particular apartment complex had been Tracey’s idea. She knew that he would want to be close to work. That she had suggested it was of some comfort, no matter how small. He drove into the underground parking area, and eventually located his parking space. Slowly he pulled to a stop, put the car in park, and slumped over the wheel. He did not want to do this, but he had no option. Mike nudged him silently and flipped his thumb towards the rear of the car. Jack nodded and got out slowly. He stretched as he headed towards the trunk. As they lugged the boxes from the car to the elevator, he wondered about small things. How would he be able to sleep tonight, without her next to him? What would it be like, to not be able to kiss the kids goodnight? What would he do about dinner? Suddenly thousands of simple things began to overwhelm him, because without Tracey, he didn’t know if he could carry on.

  Luckily the apartment came furnished. He knew that there was no way that he could have gone out and actually picked out furniture. Though it was plain, it seemed so foreign to him. One by one, he began to unpack his boxes. Near the bottom of the first box, he came across a picture of the whole family. He knew that he hadn’t put it in the box, though if he had seen it, he would have. It was Tracey that had put it there. As he held it, and stared at it, he began to cry. Tears dripped onto the glass of the frame. Mike passed through the living room, and saw him. He hesitated, and started towards him, but stopped instead, and left him alone with his grief. He knew that this was a part of the healing process, and here, his interference could not help.

  Chapter 4